au revoir 2010, bonjour 2011

I'm off to Krabi in a few hours for some sun and beach, a much nicer way of crossing over from 2010 into 2011 than the alternative.  Though, it's likely going to be me and my laptop next to the sun and beach.  But at least I'm next to the sun and beach! 


A little reflection and aspiration thinking:


10 memories from 2010

1. Leaving McKinsey but not leaving KLO
2. Moving to Papua New Guinea 
3. Great time with old friends
4. Meeting new friends in the most random ways
5. Traveling through China on the CSP Reunion
6. More traveling (Italy, Korea, Dubai, Australia...)
7. Highlighting my hair!
8. New camera, new iPod touch, new glasses
9. Seeing the impact of the work I was part of
10. Turning a quarter-of-a-century-old

11 wishes for 2011

1. Get into a business school
2. Find the moolah to pay for business school (following #1)
3. Get my braces off before business school (following #2)
4. Exercise, eat less and lose some excess body fat
5. Travel, travel, travel (Fiji, Solomon Island)
6. Catch up on all the TV series and movies that I wanted to watch
7. Start reading the tons of the books that I bought but never read
8. Spend quality time with friends
9. "Procure" new gadgets: Kindle, laptop etc
10. Learn to speak Tok Pisin fluently
11. Make a difference in PNG beyond the work I'm doing

baci & abbraci

XOXO

*slap*

wake up wake up wake up.  seriously.  what were you thinking?

au revoir

I miss you already!

have lots of fun in France! don't do anything that I wouldn't do ;)  remember to gorge on cheese BUT remember that you have to fit into a tiny dress soon so don't overdo it!! hope you get to wear all the pretty dresses that you bought although it'd be freezing cold most of the time.  i wish i can go visit you!

counting down to "freedom"

Did I mention that I'm very very very stressed out business school applications?  God, please grant me beautiful writing skills just for this next 2 weeks!?  Amen.

black abyss

My hormones are definitely kicking in as I tried to stop myself from reading my old entries, but failed.  The entries that people say I wrote beautifully about, about my broken heart, about my love tragedy.  And I tried to stop myself from crying, but instead the tears fall.


I'd like to think that I have picked myself up and doing pretty okay on making myself happy.  I'd like to think that I have managed to be a better person by being a friend now to him.  I'd like to think that despite my broken heart and broken self, there will be someone out there who will care for me.


I have stopped counting how long ago it was that I fell down hard on my face.  But the dreams do not stop occurring.  And 99% of the time I am doing great.  But tonight's not the night.  


To my lovely friends who have always been there for me, I miss all of you.  Truly and dearly.  Very much so.  


XOXO

word of advice by wise sages

have all the fun and enjoy your youth, as long as it's not something you'd look back when you're old and regret doing.


i like.

playing with fire

i think that there are too many shades of grey and blurred lines, and i'm crossing all of them right now.

no...

...I do not have a boyfriend and I'm still single.  


love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment of various definitions and scale, but no, I'm not referring to the unrequited or commitment-based attachment type.  that is why I say that our paths cross but diverges greatly because there is no room for commitments and permanence.  but I do have to say that I was trying to avoid even having emotions of temporary attachment because at moments like this when I know he's not mine and yet I'm jealous that he might be seeing other girls and not responding to my emails/sms, it's simply not healthy.

"EAT"

how do I even begin to tell this story?

boy meets girl.  boy tries to meet girl again.  girl meets boy. girl thought she’ll never see boy again.  girl meets boy again.  we all wonder how the story ends though we are pretty damn sure that the ending ain’t gonna be pretty.  both boy and girl know that there isn’t an ending written for them together.  their paths crossed now but are heading in completely opposite directions.  and although it hurts to say goodbye each time, how can boy and girl give up on the idea of love?

call it naivety, call it stupidity.  but perhaps girl should be glad that she is still capable of loving.  that she still has space in her heart for someone.  that she can open her heart to the sweetness and the pain of love.

shopaholic

there is something positively uplifting about shopping.  ANY kind of shopping...even if it's only grocery shopping.  i feel so happy to see the multiple displays of items, the choices and making the choice, swiping that credit card or handing over hard cold cash. ok, the last one sounds a bit neurotic.  maybe i need to control my need for retail therapy...

on paying last respects...

It is done.  I have bought my tickets to hong kong for less than 24 hours. Almost 14 months has gone past since I last set foot on the land which I had more than 3 years of memories of.  But why less than 24 hours? Alas, a lot of things have indeed happened and changed.  Not all bad, but not all good either.

I have decided to go to pay my last respects to the person who was pretty much part of my life for more than 3 years.  She took me shopping, showed me how to cook her famous dishes, included me in the family vacations.  In one shape or form, like it or not, she had a hand in making me what I am today.

Still not sure whether it's the best idea as yet.  But I think of the alternative, and for now, I don't think I can choose not to go.

Manus

Manus is the smallest province in Papua New Guinea and made up of many small islands.  It is reputedly beautiful with colorful marine life and clear waters.  Unfortunately, it is facing serious threats of coastal flooding and/or sinking islands from rising sea levels.

Off to Manus for the next 6 days for work...wish me luck!

alotau, milne bay

Gorgeous breakfast view from Ulumani Treetop Lodge overlooking the top of the trees

Lonesome church on top of the hill on Kwato Island

Kids fishing on the old pier of the once glorious capital -- Samarai Island

Smiling kids playing near a shipwreck at Waga Waga

Blue shallow waters and an abandoned pier on Kwato Island

Massive raintree (read: Avatar-like!) next to makeshift rugby field in Waga Waga

around the world...

I left in the middle of July for 4 weeks of travel with the full honest intention to blog everyday and to fossilize the different experiences and observations.  Well, someone should have told me that blogger (and facebook!) does not work in China =S.  Internet was harder to come by then I had expected, and I had completely underestimated how tired I would be at the end of each day.  I didn't get too far after Day 10 or so.  After 30 days across Hangzhou-Shanghai-Nanjing-Beijing-Milan-Portofino-Rome-Phuket-Seoul-Singapore, it is extremely painful to go back to work!

Guess where I am now?

Day 8 - Beijing

What was expected to be another dry speech or forum turned out to be an amazing morning of discussions on what it is like to return to China and how our career paths may or may not fit into the grand scheme of China's rapid development. Great guest speakers who brought a lot of personal stories and insights to the discussion. Back to the People's Great Hall, with memories of excitement and awe from four years ago, to meet XXX and have an official photo taken with him. Rows of purple jackets lined up in small platforms, dangerously high and safety hazard for the high-heeled, all awaiting his arrival. Photo taken, speech given and after many rounds of applause, we were free to take as many pictures as we want inside. The great China food adventure starts tonight with the grand search for...dog meat! Ended up in a Korean restaurant which serves dog meat...cooked in kimchi soup =p. Some disappointment in the group (not me!) for not being able to choose the unfortunate dog that would be served on our table. Let's just say that if you love mutton, you would probably love dog meat. But for me, for the same reasons why I don't like mutton, dog meat has this strong gamely taste. I hereby declare that I will never eat dog meat ever again!!

Day 7 - Beijing

Train chugs along; deep slumber under warm covers; morning light shines through the windows. Annoying blasting music; shouting food cart-pushers; piercing smell of cigarette smoke. Hearty breakfast of four slices of bread, ham sliced, fried egg and hot soy milk =). Very different from my experience four years ago with a weird-colored egg yolk in my hard-boiled egg. Train arrived. Stepping out of the train carriage, a car appears right in front of me, on the freaking platform! Craziness!! Penguin walk, shuffling our way out of the sardine-packed station. Beijing University, reunited with people from the Suzhou/Wuxi and Hangzhou trips, as well as people who only came for the Grand Reunion.  Discussion forum, segregated by regions, together with the new kids from CSP10. A lot of talk about how far China has come and how much further China can go in terms of economic and social development. Line-up practice for the photo session tomorrow; as always standing with the boys because of height. Drinks at 1949; very hard to get a taxi and very hard to find the place but a very nice place with art galleries. Dancing at Mix; very far to walk and very hard to find the people but really fun place with good music. Tomorrow is another day!

Day 6 - Nanjing

6am wake-up calls are simply cruel! Long day ahead, beginning at the Zhongshan Mountain Scenic Area. Beamless Hall (Wu Liang Dian) which houses the monument to the National Revolutionary Army in the Anti-Japanese War who died fighting and opens to the first cemetery of these heroes. Linggu Pagoda which is impossible to climb in five minutes so naturally gave up on the idea. The "highlight" was Dr Sun Yat-Sen's Mausoleum (Zhongshan Ling) but to climb 392 steps to see the coffin chamber which does not even house his body was quite the "downlight". The entrance to the chamber was so tiny that once people were streaming in, it was impossible to get out. The walls of the chamber were wet from humidity and it felt like a sauna in there sans the enjoyment. Finally getting out was like finally getting the first gasp of air after suffocating. 
In the afternoon, we went to the Ming Shao Ling Museum, which honors the first Ming emperor who was actually a commoner. Besides a couple people falling asleep at the bookstore, it was indeed a yawner...but the Ming Tomb of the Great Ming Dynasty was awesome! Each emperor who came to honor the emperors before him is taken through the Sacred Way, which we leisurely strolled along. The first section of the Sacred Way is flanked by sitting then standing lions, Xiezhi (bear-eyed unicorn), camels, elephants, Qiling (unicorn) and horses. The second section is flanked by balusters, generals and civil officials. Upon arriving at the tomb, we realized that it has never been excavated and on the wall surrounding the hill-like tombs was carved "Here lies the tomb of the great emperor Ming Shao Ling". 
By now, our official polo shirts were completely soaked with sweat...and we were supposed to board the overnight train to Beijing without showering today or tomorrow. Yes, gross indeed. In the end, the tour took us to a hotel to clean-up but room charges would be personal. The real craziness and experience of CSP begins - 3 guys and 3 girls to share a room to shower and wash/dry our polo shirts in one hour! The rush and exhilaration, jumping over  six luggages all laid out on the floor, two hairdryers and three chargers going. BLACKOUT! 10 minutes to go and we were in pitch darkness trying to pack up and dry our wet shirts; flashlight and handphone lights come on trying to find what our eyes cannot see otherwise. The room opposite hapenned to be occupied by our group mates so we invaded their room when they left. Final mad rush to the bus and happy to discover that Sarah had negotiated our room rate from RMB440 to RMB300 because of the blackout! On-board the 6-bed sleeper train to Beijing, Big Two card games, lame bao jokes (which cracked them up completely!), disturbing IQ stories, annoying pattern games. The "younger" CSPers conked out in bed waaay earlier than the "older" ones. What a day!!!   

Day 5 - Nanjing

Rainy relaxed day visiting enterprises in Nanjing - Sharp, LG etc. Good time to catch up on loat sleep. Nap, visit, nap, visit, nap, visit. 21-course lunch and 23-course dinner; yummy and happy. Sad reflective afternoon visiting the memorial museum of the Nanjing massacre. The memorial museum was more well done than expected and spans over quite a big plot of land. Disturbing pictures of the horrifying acts; haunting testimonials of the killings and rapes. Estimated 300,000 people died. Stones covering the entire compound not to be stepped on to honor the deceased. Experience spoilt yet again by shoving locals jostling their way to the displays and jostling their way out in a split second without pausing to read, think or see the atrocities. Free and easy night of yet another round of foot massage, falling asleep. Zzz...

Day 4 - Shanghai/Nanjing

Day 2 of the Shanghai World Expo - Myanmar, Laos, Vietnam, Bosnia and Belarus. Seven-hour wait for the Japan pavilion was impossible; hot humid weather was suffocating; shoving locals were literally everywhere and cutting queues. Why do parents inflict on their children this kind of unnecessary discomfort by dragging them here if they will not remember anything from the expo? Starbucks haven to shelter from the rain and to rest our feet =). Ferry ride back to Puxi - people running into the ferry, we whipped out our colorful stools while waiting in line, a kid sprint to snatch my stool in a split second as I got up to take a photo. Free wi-fi at the Cisco pavilion =) =). Train to Nanjing; curry-flavored, almond-flavored, milk-flavored, tomato-flavored pocky. Lump in my throat, falling sick I am. Midnight supper of xiehuang bao (big xiaolong bao). Foot massage in the early a.m. to dissolve the painful memories from all the walking at the Shanghai World Expo =) =) =). Hello, Nanjing!

Day 3 - Shanghai

Shanghai World Expo. Herds of people break into run once they pass the entrance. Mothers pulling their children along, dragging them on their feet. VIP access to the China Pavilion!! Power walked to the Japan Pavilion; frantic search for the end of the line: 6-hour wait =(. Gave up and power walked to the Korea Pavilion: 5-hour wait =(. Gave up. Chinese proverb rings true...people mountain people sea. Shove, push, jostle, elbow, spit spit spit. Fake children imagined up just to get in front of the line. Human barricade of five CSPers - no, you are not getting past us! Colorful plastic foldable stools, RMB10, let's sit down wherever whenever. This kid digging pebbles out of the new pavement under the watchful eyes of his parents. That kid speeding toward reserved seats, pulling off the barricade in a split second. This kid pulling down his pants, peeing onto a tree in plain sight. This adult climbing over railings to get in front. That adult pressing his body against others because he does not care for personal space. All never apologetic, never feeling guilty. New Zealand, Brunei, Philippines, Australia, Malaysia, Portugal, Nigeria, South Africa, USA, Germany. Ahh Germany, for you I waited 3 hours and suffered through massive migraine and nausea just to see you. And boy was I reminded why I would not visit China on my own or go to places where there are a lot of Chinese people. TAI DUO REN!!!

Day 2 - Hangzhou/Shanghai

Early morning rise to walk to Xi Hu. Sleepy heads and droopy eyes. Air, thick and pregnant with moisture, suffocating pores and windpipes. A school of elderly Chinese practising tai-chi in sync by the lake, a woman walking backwards, a daughter exercising with her father. Joining the school of elderly Chinese practising tai-chi not-so in sync by the lake. Ballroom dancing old couples, heartwrenchingly cute. Singing traditional Chinese songs with the locals, us Lao Wai. Eyes lit up at the sight of capitalism next to the singing ladies - oh the goodness of grande starbucks coffee frappucino with no whipped cream!
Hangzhou train station - falling rain, no cabs, motor rickshaw with luggage up to the nose. Too many people, WAY too many people. Cutting queues, running luggage over feet, pushing and shoving. Human penguin walk shuffling into the train carriage, worried the others will not make the train on time...woohoo! They made it! Tired out and knocked out. Arrived at Shanghai South station. Human penguin walk shuffling out of the train station. Final leg to the hotel. Finally registered and the Chinese Synergy Programme kicks off! Don't remember what it feels like to socialize with so many strangers...so many people but yet still alone. Hmm...Hello, Shanghai!

Day 1 - Hangzhou

Savoring milk pudding in the sweltering heat as we nagivated through the unfamiliar weaves of bicycles, motorcycles, cars, buses and human traffic. Where things do not work the same way and people do not act the same way. Great food and ambience at Wai Po Jia. 25RMB to ride tandem-bike around the famous Xi Hu the whole afternoon. Thinking to myself that I should really learn how to cycle. Warm summer breeze in the face and in the hair, the misty lake on both side, trees reaching their branches out sweeping their leaves on passer-bys. Ringing the bell and yelling for the people in front to watch out for the carelessly careening bike coming. Riding next to the scarily big buses, hoping neither the bus nor the bike will accidentally infringe on each other's path. Bird's eye view of Hangzhou from Lei Feng Tat, city on one side and mountains on three others. Impressed by the bicycle system set up to easily allow the Chinese to rent bicycles from anywhere and return them anywhere. Simple appreciation of the great invention called air-conditioning. Racing up the many bridges across the dams of Xi Hu, overtaking the golf carts that chaffeured tired sweaty visitors. Musical fountain, majestic and magical. Bliss of the familiar mango pomelo dessert from honeymoon dessert. Sweating bullets, realizing diet plans will have to wait, enjoying the moment. Watching Yue Fei Miao from the outside, short of time short of motivation to explore short of desire to pay RMB25. Sinfully deliciously fatty dongpo meat, refreshingly tasty longjing tea - Lou Wai Lou at Bai Ti. Striking interesting conversations with the local taxi drivers, with the new travel companions, with myself =).
    

Day 0 - KL/Hangzhou

Last minute mad rush to the airport, no luggage lock no foreign currency. New friends who will be my travel companions, hi! Long wait in line, silent current of chaos and frustration in the air, system down during check-in, planes delayed. Freezing cold plane, inhibiting much-needed sleep, high-pitched loud Chinese people. Warm milo for defrosting me, nose still icy-cold. Smoothest landing ever by Air Asia X, murphy's law strike at immigration lines, took some time to find the cabs. Midnight supper, free wi-fi, hot humid night air, falling asleep watching the World Cup finals in the hotel room with the boys. Hello, Hangzhou!

Day 0: KL-Hangzhou

off to a whirlwind of adventures! if you want to find out more, stay tuned =D

good lazy sunday

Last Sunday, I had a really good relaxed and chilled-out time with good food and good friends =).  I met up with the boys (Alvin & Jet) after their Standard Chartered KL Marathon -- which, by the way, they turned up very late for their 10km run and had to do the 5km run instead because they had the wrong starting time in mind *SWEAT DROP* --  and we went on a breakfast hunt.  We ended up at Taste of Foochow.  Although my mom is Foochow and I grew up eating Foochow food, apparently the Foochow food in Sarawak is different from the ones in West Malaysia because I did not recognize any of them haha...

Different types of fishball -- the special one being the Foochow fishball, which has meat stuffing.  Not such a huge fan as I still prefer fishballs to remain as fishballs =p.

Deep-fried fishball.  Very good and springy in texture but according to my mom, springy fishball has added bicarbonate or something to produce the texture =(.  And very little fish.  But it's so fun to eat!  Here's the funny part -- the owners spoke to us in Cantonese so it was a little bit disorienting and we just kept nodding and said "yiu" to everything.  So we ended up with a lot of food =D.

Very yummy Foochow pancake.  According to Alvin, the story behind this dish is that the owner was making this for his own family but the customers saw it and wanted to try them.  Even now, you can see the owner sitting in the corner on a stool making these pancakes.  Once, the son jokingly teased his dad (the owner) for not manning his pancake station and something about that scene that is just so heart-tugging and cute =).

Handmade egg noodle fishball soup.  The soup was delicious and the noodle...well, as the boys put it, I don't particularly enjoy food which are tasteless in the centre.  And this includes big fat noodles and taufu fa.  Yes, even taufu fa =S.

Red wine mee sua with chicken.  This is the most interesting one of all because red wine mee sua in Sarawak is very different! In Sarawak, the dish is basically mee sua in chicken soup + clearer red wine.  In West Malaysia, the mee sua is cooked in ang zao (红槽) and I've only had chicken cooked in ang zao.  So this was very very interesting =D.

After that, we chilled by the pool.  Given that I'm moving out soon and that I've never used the pool at my condo, it seemed like the most appropriate time to do that.  The sun was in hiding and the water was freezing cold but it was really fun to hang out with the boys.  I'm still learning how to swim breaststroke and Alvin's still learning how to swim freestyle.  And the state swimmer just watches us and laughs.

I cannot think of anything better than a good cup of cappuccino after the cold swim =D.  There's something about a cuppa that warms you up slowly inside, followed by feelings of fuzziness and happiness.  And at Palate Palette, we played board games as we savored our cuppa and food...snake & ladders, aeroplane chess, scrabble...obviously I wished the happy day did not need to end.

Definitely looking forward to a good break from everything!

what a week =)

it's been a whirlwind of emotions this week.  what with me leaving the firm soon, having to pack my worldly possessions yet again and move out, dreaming a vivid scenario of getting back together with him, doing a studio photoshoot with Kumitaa & Aliaa for the fun of it, catching up on lost time with Kumitaa, being frustrated at work over numbers, being told by the radiologist that I cannot get my MRI scan because I have braces on when the doctor should have told me that instead and after I had rushed to the hospital for my MRI appointment, getting shit treatment from his nurse when we would expect to be treated better because it's a private hospital, forgetting my IC at a service counter, having Mabel over to make sure packing gets done, meeting up with high school friends over roti seafood, roti Beckham, roti Hawaii and lo shu fan, eating at Prime Steakhouse for the first time, having to schedule to get my braces removed for the MRI scan and get my braces back on after that.

it's really a bit too much drama for one week. 
 

to auto-pilot or to re-boot?

I'll admit it.  I'll totally admit that throughout my entire existence, I have someone managed to shuffle along the paths and bobbed together with the waves.  Not that it was particularly easy, but things did just kinda fall into place one by one for me.  Just when no one believed that I'd get the scholarship to study in Singapore, I was suddenly on my way there.  Just when I think I had failed my public exam, I actually got straight As.  Just when I thought SAT was really impossible, I did much better than I had expected.  Just when I was doomed to fail Honors Calc because I was bottom of the class during the midterms, I bounced back with a B+.  Just when I lost my first elections, I won the next. Just when plans for summer internship were going downhill, I got an internship with Abbott.  Just when all job interviews had not worked out, I got into McKinsey.

And frankly, as I reflect back on my life while writing this, I'm terribly conflicted on what I'm feeling right now.  Have I really achieved all these, or have I really been handed all these things and have just been moving along conveniently?  What is the one extraordinarily cool thing that I've done?  None?

Yes, I'm leaving McKinsey in a few weeks.  Yes, I'm moving onto the next phase in life, whatever that means.  And in one night, over a dinner, I had gone from being pretty damn sure what I wanted to do for the next year because the opportunities were sitting there ripe and ready to be picked to being completely lost and miserable because what if I was just shuffling along yet again?  What if I'm just on auto-pilot?  What if I always end up taking the traveled path?  But why not?  I don't even know why my face is wet right now.

Here's when a dash of good 'ole American ego-boosting confidence would really come in handy =(

it's the end of a road for me...

well...

...the dress is back.  finally.  it arrived in a very tattered envelope sent via regular mail.  what had i expected?  and yes, it does not magically make every pain and anger disappear.  and somehow, the dress is not as great as i remember it to be now.  i knew it would happen and perspectives do change over time i suppose.  but it's all good, because now i do not have any reason to have to communicate with him whatsoever.  i promise this will be the last time you'll read about the dress because it is no longer sitting at the back of his closet, but in mine.

 

thought of the day

when i first privatized and "abandoned" my previous blog, the intention was to have a public blog whereby i can write any jibberish that i want and post anything that i wish.  of course, that also meant i had to be more careful about the choice of words, the tone of languages and the viewpoint of messages.  but i could log my thoughts here and allow my friends to, so-to-speak, "update" themselves on what's going on with my life since i don't see them or talk to them as often as i want, and without the excess baggage from the old blog.  acquaintances and random people sometimes drop by but there was never anything controversial or very private.

then THE THING happened and i needed an outlet, plus i knew my friends were watching out for me through my blog as well.  in the process, i displayed my broken heart out in the open for everyone to read -- people who are my best friends, people who only knew me for a while, people who may not like me, and even strangers whom i never met or spoke to.  looking back, it was the only way i could let people know how i was dealing with the situation because i simply could not talk about it without turning into a jelly crying machine, in public or not.  you know the stories about not putting all your eggs in one basket, or about having your own successful career, or about boyfriends/fiances who break up relationships after 5, 7, or 10 years? in my deepest darkest hours, or more appropriately days, weeks and months, i ask myself how did i allow myself to arrive at this point of my life so shattered so lost and so pained.  

months passed and so much more confidence regained in my career with so much more enjoyment and pride extracted from the work i do.  maybe a little to late but fast forward to the "now" as i am coming to another juncture of change, of so much uncertainty and myriad of potential opportunities, and of upcoming sad goodbyes.  but not too much different from before.  still writing about the favorite black dress that will never come back to me because instead of his dad or him, the responsibility has now been passed on to his mom.  what are the odds?  still wondering whether i was stupid for getting braces on an impulse whenever i look at myself and see a smile that i do not recognize.  will it be worth it?  still hurting because despite everything, the hurt does not dissolve and it manifests itself in many evil forms.

switching gears a little: where do people find so much energy, so much passion, so much drive to be on top of things 99% of the time? and why, i ask, are we measured by how many successes or achievements we have secured, or by the good partner/spouse we have found, or by our god-given talents, or by the genes we inherit from our parents? doesn't sound very fair for someone to have it all right? ah yes, now this entire entry has not been very coherent but i think my hormones have run out of steam by now so will leave the questions hanging as i go cook myself another indomie and watch nonsense.

how to meet a guy?

People always say that there is a time when you simply move on to date other people after ending a relationship...I was thinking about it but it's definitely easier said than done, right?  There are so many complications to that, for example: 

1. Getting over being hung up about the past relationship
2. Thinking about meeting/dating other people
3. Actually meeting/finding people who are interested in going on a date with you
4. Doing the American dating thing (when you've never quite done it before)  

And with my job, you just don't have time to meet people, what more to say date people.  Plus, it's just 100x harder when you're not quite physically attractive.

Don't you guys think so?

why did you have to say that?

I don't know what it really means and I am pissed that he had to go and say something stupid like that.  Even if he means absolutely nothing, you know that us girls will start thinking and analyzing every single word, guessing the "deeper" meaning and going insane in the process. 

I need a hug =(

 

...and you wonder why I still have not quite moved on...

my dress leh?

10:40pmKaron

ooh can i just keep it

don't know why i don't feeel like sending it haha

10:41pmShin

dim gai dont feel like sending it ga

10:44pmKaron

ng g wor

one dress jei

one last request la ho ng ho

Day ???

I have indeed lost count of the days but still have not lost the traces and scents of the past at all. Still no dress.  Just f-ing give my dress back, seriously.


On a different note, given that it's a new year and that Chinese New Year is coming, things are looking a little better from last year.  It's really interesting how since the year started, I have found new friendships in the most unconventional ways.  A perfect stranger on facebook read and related to the stories on this blog.  Another perfect stranger on facebook asked me why I still had pictures of him on my profile album.  


Chopped my hair short; Did a lot of new things: zorbing, rock climbing (ended up being the laugh of the entire place), wakeboarding (ok, not so new to me); Had a lot of good/new food: kajang satay, filipino food (adobo, sisig, etc.); Got really sick on and off for 4 weeks now; and now I'm home for Chinese New Year so everything's good =).

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!