Despite my age, I know and I am sure that I am still rather immature in so many ways. I don't like the weight of decisions on my shoulders. I thought I would get better at managing my emotions. I had hoped that with age comes natural wisdom and zen calmness on dealing with issues. How can I be this young and that old at the same time?
Beyond that, I wished people cared enough about me. Enough to say, we value you please stay longer. Enough to say, we enjoy your company let's figure out how to work out weekend retreats. Enough to say, yes it's an extra flight cost but it's okay. I now realize that the system really makes or breaks you. And although technically I came out of it with my head held high, it has broken me. Is this the reality of the world, or is it the system? Would I be happier in another place?
I am privileged in many ways, I acknowledge that. I also know that only I am making comparisons and passing judgments on myself all the time. Thus the psychological need to feel wanted or cared about. And here I am, trying to shake off the tears and remind myself that the world is always cruel and I have to find a way to not allow the world to hurt me as easily as it does right now.
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3 comments:
xoxo
The best thing I find to do is just accept things as they are (I know, this sounds cliche). Doing this seems to really take the negativity out of life for me. For me, when I feel "down" it seems to always stem from something I am unable/unwilling to accept.
Oh dear, the system doesn't need to change, nor the people in your life. What needs to change is your view of the world. View it with the eyes of gratitude and awe and all the bad days will be no more.
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