Day ???

I have indeed lost count of the days but still have not lost the traces and scents of the past at all. Still no dress.  Just f-ing give my dress back, seriously.


On a different note, given that it's a new year and that Chinese New Year is coming, things are looking a little better from last year.  It's really interesting how since the year started, I have found new friendships in the most unconventional ways.  A perfect stranger on facebook read and related to the stories on this blog.  Another perfect stranger on facebook asked me why I still had pictures of him on my profile album.  


Chopped my hair short; Did a lot of new things: zorbing, rock climbing (ended up being the laugh of the entire place), wakeboarding (ok, not so new to me); Had a lot of good/new food: kajang satay, filipino food (adobo, sisig, etc.); Got really sick on and off for 4 weeks now; and now I'm home for Chinese New Year so everything's good =).

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
 

Day 159

May I look back at 2009 one day and sincerely believe/know that it is all for the better.

p.s.: still no dress.


 

Day 135

...and still no dress

Day 113

I hate that he still affects me so deeply and that the mere thought of him can make me cry.  I hate dreaming of us getting back together and the false scenarios that play in my head.  I hate that I feel so unloved and unwanted and unworthy all because of him. 

Go away damn hormones!

Day 96

It hurts to see him travel to a place he had once promised to take me to, with people I have reasons to believe that he'll end up with, and wearing what I recently gave him.

And this is the reason that you're so busy that you can't even spend 10 minutes sending me back my dress?

Screw you.

Day 87

Weeds are very strong living things.  Its roots run so deep and grow in every imaginable direction.  You pull it out, thinking that you have removed it but ultimately, there's enough left behind that it thrives and grows again. 

On most days I can push memories of you aside and convince myself that it's for the better.  Fact is you have molded and shaped the person I have become and the experience I have as a person.  And that is not something I can push aside because I continue to dream about you and think about you unconsciously.  Removing you on the surface is only a temporary solution.  Your roots in me are far too deep, far too widespread.

Day 77

I am feeling lost.  I'd very much like to think that one day I'll be successful in my career or be happy with the man of my life.  For a long time, I was very content having one over the other and was okay about the other not quite working out.  But now that I have neither, it makes me wonder how much do I know myself and how much do I want things in my life.  If I really want to be successful, shouldn't that motivate me to pursue it?  Where is the drive in me?

When you left me standing there alone in the dark, you forgot to leave me a torchlight