I can't believe what just happened tonight.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
state of confusion
Ran into him at the local gym today, which was completely NOT ideal! Especially not when I was about to go into a zumba class right in the middle of the gym. Picture me in totally uncoordinated Latin American dance movements in aerobics. Picture me in baggy XL shirt and shorts, sweating up a storm. Picture me trying to do the body roll or booty shake while looking ridiculously silly. SO NOT ideal, SO not sexy. He and his mates walking around the gym doing weights and chin-ups, why oh why oh why.
I did get a ride home though. I was going to call for a cab when I ran into him. On the way home, got lectured mad about taking cabs, about not driving myself. Then he offered me driving lessons, and rides on weekends if I need them. It's just a bit strange the way he said it and I didn't know how to react, really. Coy, flirty, whiny, appreciative all didn't seem to work. He called me sniffling lol. I don't think we were made for conversations.
He had said on Sunday that he wanted to see me again before I leave for Turkey, but he didn't ask me out tonight. So I guess that's not happening.
Shall I say again how confusing this all is?
I did get a ride home though. I was going to call for a cab when I ran into him. On the way home, got lectured mad about taking cabs, about not driving myself. Then he offered me driving lessons, and rides on weekends if I need them. It's just a bit strange the way he said it and I didn't know how to react, really. Coy, flirty, whiny, appreciative all didn't seem to work. He called me sniffling lol. I don't think we were made for conversations.
He had said on Sunday that he wanted to see me again before I leave for Turkey, but he didn't ask me out tonight. So I guess that's not happening.
Shall I say again how confusing this all is?
Friday, April 8, 2011
unofficial rules
"What if he thought that I was not interested because of the text that I sent?"
It's crazy that dating games are overly complicated. The unofficial rules ("If he calls or texts you the day after, he's interested in a relationship" or "Never call/text first, wait for him to call/text otherwise he's just not into you"), which I don't even know really what they are, are...oxymoron as my friend put it. How can rules be unofficial and yet be followed by many?
I've had boyfriends in the past but I've never been in the dating game. No one had asked me out on a date before, no one had pursued me per se, no one had complimented me in a more-than-friends manner.
So I got to say, I'm absolutely lost. Let's see.
It's crazy that dating games are overly complicated. The unofficial rules ("If he calls or texts you the day after, he's interested in a relationship" or "Never call/text first, wait for him to call/text otherwise he's just not into you"), which I don't even know really what they are, are...oxymoron as my friend put it. How can rules be unofficial and yet be followed by many?
I've had boyfriends in the past but I've never been in the dating game. No one had asked me out on a date before, no one had pursued me per se, no one had complimented me in a more-than-friends manner.
So I got to say, I'm absolutely lost. Let's see.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
the world is cruel today
Despite my age, I know and I am sure that I am still rather immature in so many ways. I don't like the weight of decisions on my shoulders. I thought I would get better at managing my emotions. I had hoped that with age comes natural wisdom and zen calmness on dealing with issues. How can I be this young and that old at the same time?
Beyond that, I wished people cared enough about me. Enough to say, we value you please stay longer. Enough to say, we enjoy your company let's figure out how to work out weekend retreats. Enough to say, yes it's an extra flight cost but it's okay. I now realize that the system really makes or breaks you. And although technically I came out of it with my head held high, it has broken me. Is this the reality of the world, or is it the system? Would I be happier in another place?
I am privileged in many ways, I acknowledge that. I also know that only I am making comparisons and passing judgments on myself all the time. Thus the psychological need to feel wanted or cared about. And here I am, trying to shake off the tears and remind myself that the world is always cruel and I have to find a way to not allow the world to hurt me as easily as it does right now.
Beyond that, I wished people cared enough about me. Enough to say, we value you please stay longer. Enough to say, we enjoy your company let's figure out how to work out weekend retreats. Enough to say, yes it's an extra flight cost but it's okay. I now realize that the system really makes or breaks you. And although technically I came out of it with my head held high, it has broken me. Is this the reality of the world, or is it the system? Would I be happier in another place?
I am privileged in many ways, I acknowledge that. I also know that only I am making comparisons and passing judgments on myself all the time. Thus the psychological need to feel wanted or cared about. And here I am, trying to shake off the tears and remind myself that the world is always cruel and I have to find a way to not allow the world to hurt me as easily as it does right now.
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